I went to the UCM conference thing this weekend, and it was really good. Probably the high point, or the low point, is when I went for a walk on Sunday night.

By now I know alot of the fundamental truths of Christianity. We are saved by grace, not works and we need to be thankful and trust in God for changes made to my life. But this weekend, I just broke. I was finally able to put something into words:

"God I know I can't earn your love, I already have it. But I want to do better! I want my heart to be pure! I want to worship you in spirit and in truth! I want to focus on you and not on the things of this world! Maybe I'm not obligate to do these things, but I want to!"

This prayer was made in anguish and with much tears. I am seriously sick of my fleshly way of thinking, and I want to change so bad. SO BAD!

I can think of alot of Bible verses that commend this attitude, but honestly, I really don't care if its a good attitude. I don't want a good attitude, I want to change and live a thankful, worshipful life for God. I want to love people that are arrogant and self centered. I want to give of myself and be able to pray for hours for the needs of others without even thinking about it. so much.

The worst thing is I have to work myself up to this attitude. It slips away so easily, and come back with so much effort. I can look back on each day and see actions, thoughts, and words that contradict this desire I have. God save me.

Tawmis.