While I realize that there are a multitude of reasons for men to have their coffee thing in the morning, I would submit that in general, the reason is that the perception is that the biggest challenge of the day is at the beginning. Getting through the haze of sleep, the onslaught of thoughts detailing the vast, waterless expanse of the work day. But there is something else that the preferred hour of caffeine intake gives away: that the dying hours of the day are the least important ones.
Almost like the day is seen as a big hill that is to be ascend on a bicycle. As 2:00 rolls around, it changes from a moderate climb, to a flat path, and on to a decline around 4:30 (roughly based on a 9-5 work day).
In other words, the general consensus of males in North America is that the time of focus, exertion and effort ceases as they arrive at home. As if eight hours is all that should ever be expected of a man in a 24 hour period.
This attitude is ravaging the homes of North America, and not just secular homes. Christian homes as well. So many men looking at the work they do as the testing ground for their character and strength. All the while ignoring the fact that (I would argue) Biblically, the primary place the Lord shapes a man’s character is in the home.
I’m not saying that we ignore our attitudes and the opportunities to learn and grow in the workplace. God knows, most of us could use some improvement in our workplace. What I am saying is that if you have the respect and admiration of everyone at work, and your house and home is a place of conflict and turmoil, you’ve lost.
What does the Word say?
Let’s look at the qualifications of an overseer, or elder in the church.
“He (the overseer) must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?”
1 Timothy 3:4-5 (ESV)
It may not be immediately apparent that this verse essentially teaches that the primary place God uses to shape a man’s character is in the home. But what is this verse clearly implying? What is it anticipating?
It is clearly anticipating that there will be men, who will be considered for eldership, that have everything cool and collected at church, but their home is a mess. Furthermore, those men are not to be ordained as elders.
And the Bible is simply clarifying something that we all know, albeit with reference to the relatively small category of elders: people, especially men, are great at putting on a front during the work day, but not so good at putting on a front at home.
here is just one example of how it works out:
One of the beautiful things about women, is you can’t hide from them. The old adage, ‘If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say nothing at all,’ tends not to work with women. Women are not satisfied with men who ‘don’t say nothing at all’ (and they ought not be satisfied). You cannot be a man who says nothing to his wife, and his children, and feel as though you’ve done your job and spared your family from whatever negativity you have cultivated in your heart. You haven’t done your job, you have failed.
Serving our families means fighting sin by meditating on the cross, and brining our hearts to a place of worship and joy before we walk in the door in the evening. And that will lead to a life-speaking husband and father. That is why Paul tells Timothy: “you want to see what a man is made of? Look at his family.”
Perhaps the verse that brings this together is simply,
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,”
Ephesians 5:25
How does Christ love the church? Does He allow the offenses and wounds that He suffered diminish the purity and selflessness of His actions toward her? Does He respond to the church well when the church loves Him well, and is indignant or withdrawn when He feels He has been disrespected or misunderstood? I could go on, and in fact, in our meditations, we MUST go on. Go on until your soul is helped.
Yes we will fail, but I truly believe that we set ourselves up for failure when we perceive the hours that require our greatest performance between 9 and 5. So where do you put your emphasis in the day? Is it trying to push through the morning? Or do you REALLY get down to business as you walk through that door at night?
What would the homes of our nation look like if the husbands and fathers relegated the bulk of their emotional and physical vitality for the hours AFTER work? What cancerous seeds are planted by an entitled man walking through the door like Mr. Banks from Mary Poppins:
"I run my home precisely on schedule
At 6:01, I march through my door
My slippers, sherry, and pipe are due at 6:02
Consistent is the life I lead!
...It's 6:03 and the heirs to my dominion
Are scrubbed and tubbed and adequately fed
And so I'll pat them on the head
And send them off to bed
Ah! Lordly is the life I lead!"
So perhaps some of us ought to pass by that first cup of coffee in the morning, and start a routine of afternoon coffee.
Next time: what if I’m a single guy?
