3 wishes...
I remember when I as little I used to think about what I would wish for if I had 3 wishes. Or any wishes for that matter. Somethings I used to think of was to be stronger, faster, better looking, more popular, etc. A little later in life, I came up with a more sophisticated wish: to be satisfied. So if I had one wish it would be, "Genie, I pray that I would be satisfied in whatever place I fall." With one slight amendment: "and to meanwhile be striving to better myself." Man was I ever clever! But now comes the same delmna that dominated the Victorian age. The contradiction which cause Samuel Smiles to say that for those that could rise above their station they should do so, but for those that can't, they should rest content with their lot. (more or less.)
That's a contradiction! A person cannot be satisfied with a part of their life and still be striving to better it! If I was satisfied with how many push-ups I could do, then what would be the sense of doing more? What would motivate me, other than maintaining that ideal number?
In this light I look upon my character flaws, and my self frustrations. There will be that ever existing tension in me, and I must get used to it. It my lack of satisfaction with my character that will push me to be a better person. Its my lack of faith that will push me to have more. And to end this on a high note, I can never rest thinking, "I'm alright." But I can rest knowing that I am doing my best; making the right steps.
God, may you always give me a nudge when I am not doing my best.
1 comment:
Tawmis, i think that in the last little bit of that post you really touched on something. I think that all to often when we are searching for contentment, weseek to find it in our character, how we are "doing" in life, whether or not we are succesful, etc. But you are saying that (if i have uderstood correctly) one cannot be satisfied and striving to improve at the same time. It is the realization that, where you are at is not where you could be, that drives us to refine ourselves. However, I do think that there is some serious potential for contentment therein.
An example. I snap at kerianne sometimes. I cannot find contentment in the fact that it's probably less than a really crappy husband snaps at his wife. No. I strive to improve and be a better husband/man/person. I am not satisfied with my actions, but I am satisfied with the continual desire to better those actions.
I am always refreshed when i read this blog. I'm sure people tell you stuff like how impressed they are at how deeply you think about life, and i'm sure other people tell you to have fun and stop taking yourself so seriously. And they are probably both right. But i think that you balance it very well, man.
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