Most people would agree that community is a good thing; something that they want. But we simultaneously chafe under limitations or restrictions on what we do and when we do it. We erroneously believe that we can have deep, committed relationships while basically running our lives in autonomous, independent ways without intentionality, limitations or restrictions. Consider how well a marriage works when each partner wants to do whatever they feel like doing regardless of their partner’s thoughts or feelings.
While Christian friendships do not rise to the same level of exclusivity as a marriage, we are fooling ourselves if we think we can have the friendships we want, or exemplify the kind of love we are commanded to without sacrifice and commitment (Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends - John 15:13). Biblically speaking, we are meant to have that relationship of sacrifice and commitment with at least our church community.
I hope that you will be able to keep in mind that what I want is your joy, your flourishing, and the glory of Jesus Christ as you read the following explanation.
So why should (most of) our friendships be at our local church?
- Your local church is your place of safety.
In God’s wisdom, He has placed specific people in leadership at your church. Those men are charged to give an account for your soul at the end of all things . They are charged to protect you. To the extent that you spend your time and energy in relationships outside of the church, you limit the ability of the elders to watch over you (Heb 13:17). Like a teenager that doesn’t talk to his parents, isn’t home for meals, and basically only sleeps at home, the elders can only guess what you are thinking about, what you are doing, and what ways your character is being shaped if you spend much of your time away from your church. But it is through your service, your interactions with others and with them, that they can discern your spiritual health, pray for you, encourage you, and if necessary, correct you.
Furthermore, the elders are responsible for protecting you from false teaching. If in a single month you listen to one sermon from your church, one on youtube, one at your friend’s church, and one podcast, how can you be protected from false doctrine? God has given elders to protect you from false doctrine and from many other things.
- Your local church is your place of provision.
In James 2 he is talking about dead works. James paints a picture: a professing Christian says he has faith. Yet, he encounters a brother or sister starving and without clothes. What does he do? Says, ‘Be warm and well fed!’ James says that is not real faith that is functioning in the life of that man or woman.
But now, what does that mean? Is James saying that our faith is dead (i.e. I am going to hell) if we walk past anyone who is hungry and poorly clothed? Well, first, James says, ‘brother or sister’—so that narrows it to Christians at least. Second, at a time where there is no internet, no news, no TV, James would certainly not have been talking about Christians in another country or even city. He would have been speaking of people in that church community.
In other words, if me and my family fall upon hard times, and we can’t buy food or clothes, God will hold Waverley church accountable (if I have made my need known), and all people do is say, ‘Be warm and well fed’. He will hold us accountable if we ignore your needs as well. He will not hold Church of the Rock accountable for neglecting your needs. I am not saying that we should not help people who are not Christians, or that we cannot support those outside our church. But what I am saying is that we are held primarily accountable for caring for the needs of those in our community.
Another Biblical example that shows that the Bible assumes our primary place of provision and generosity is 1 Timothy 5:3-8 where Paul gives Timothy instructions for how to decide which widows should be given care, and which should not. The level of understanding that Paul assumed Timothy will have of these widows clearly shows that there needs to be a relatively profound level of engagement before giving can occur.
In a culture like ours, our resources will not likely be depleted by a few freeloaders. But what we do lose is the ability to minister to the whole person. People are not simply bills that need to be paid. People are creatures in the image of God, and they have complex and nuanced needs—needs that can be ministered to by collection of people called a church. Christians who do not commit to a church should not expect financial help—even though it is good to give it if we can. Churches should not feel guilty when people express feelings of being neglected or let down, when they never committed to a church in any tangible way. But those who are committed can be sure that God hears their cry when their local church ignores it.
- Your local church is your place of direction.
Have you ever felt as though you have so many areas to grow in that you just get overwhelmed? Or you feel that there are too many issues going on in the world that you just can’t choose which one? God has given you your local church. Again, it is not wrong to have a heart for something that is not a major emphasis in your church right now. However, the Lord is leading your leaders, and through them leading you through the Word of God; through the preaching of the Word.
To give an example, imagine you are committed to a church in which the pastor and elders sense a deep need for Biblical literacy. The sermons, the small group material, and the literature available in your church all centres around Biblical literacy for a time. You are able to hear from many people how the Lord is blessing them through deeper engagement from the Word, and are able to gain wisdom as they offer counsel to you. You know you have other areas to grow, but you are confident that this is the area to focus on for now.
Compare that to the person who is transient in their church attendance. They have a few friends at a church that is focusing on deeper prayer. A few friends at a church that are focusing on evangelism. And then their church focusing on Biblical literacy. Not only does that person not have time to engage in all of these, they lose the depth of understanding they would have if they were really invested in one church. Furthermore, the conviction to really grow in all of these areas is likely to be either overwhelming and deeply discouraging, or overwhelming and conscience deadening.
Certainly, the Lord often convicts different individuals in different ways. However, in our culture we have dispensed with the possibility that God can and does lead an entire church to focus on a certain aspect of their walk at the same time, in community, and it is a truly beautiful thing. When it happens, those who are more hard-hearted are convicted by the buy-in of those around them. Those who are soft-hearted are encouraged by brothers and sisters who help them silence an overly-condemning conscience and make practical steps of growth. We lose all of this when we have our relationships spread across churches.
- Your local church is your place of harvest.
Closely connected to the last point is that your local church is your place of harvest. That is, it is one of the primary places you can expect to find the fruit of your ministry. Fruitfulness biblically moves out in spheres. The first place is your own character, the next is your family (if you have one), and the next is your church. Again, in rare cases our primary ministry will be outside our church. But most Christians will see God affirm and bless their ministry by bringing out fruit (growth in those they disciple, people that are reached, etc.) by what is going on in their local church.
If you have relationship with a couple people from church A, a couple people in church B, and you float around in different para church ministries, then you are less likely to see the long-term, God ordained fruit of your ministry. It is like trying to see growth in a certain instrument when you are learning 3 or 4 instruments at the same time.
- Your local church is your place of accountability.
Church discipline falls apart in Christian relationships that run across churches.
Let’s say you have a friend that sins against you, and you want to follow the pattern Jesus laid out in scripture. So you go to him one on one and confront him in his sin. He doesn’t listen, so you bring another person who has witnessed the same sin—which would already be really hard if you don’t go to the same church. He still doesn’t listen. Now what? You are supposed to ‘tell it to the church’, but what church? Are you supposed to go with your friend to that church’s elder board and expect them to discipline their church member based on your testimony? They don’t even know you.
It is not just practicality that we are talking about. Jesus’ instructions assumes that we will be part of a local church. He assumes that this discipline will be done within the context of a community that you are both known and loved in.
Furthermore, when the Bible commands to be subject to our leaders (Heb 13:17), who are being spoken of? The pastor at Grant Memorial? The elders at Whyte Ridge? No, the Biblical authors assume that we have leaders that we submit to, and they are limited to one, local congregation.
- Your local church makes the command to love attainable.
1 John is primarily a book that seeks to give assurance to those who doubt their faith, and give the tools needed to remove those who are making a false profession of faith. He presents three tests of true Christianity. One of them is that we ‘love the brothers’. Now the big question is, ‘what does that mean?’ Does it mean that you shake hands with them on a Sunday morning and say, ‘The family is doing well’? Is that what John means when he says, ‘this is how you can tell that you are a real Christian: you love other Christians’? It has to be deeper than that. It has to be a warmth, an affection, and desire to be near them.
How can you obey the command to love other Christians in this way if there are no boundaries to that command? Are we responsible to love all Christians in the entire city the way described? No, for the most part, we are called to make sacrifices of time, energy, and emotion for the people in our local church. Frankly, most of us even have churches that are too big to honestly love everyone in. So how much more should we limit the time, energy, and emotion we put into relationships outside the church? The gift of the local church limits the range of our responsibility to love other Christians, to challenge them when they are walking in dangerous behaviour, and to encourage them when they are down cast.
7. Your local church forces Christ-centred relationships.
Often times, not always, when we have friendships outside of church, it is because it is a sort of rival community: a sports team, employees at a specific place, a social justice cause. What happens then is that your friendship begins and is sustained by something other than Christ. You don’t talk about Christ, you talk about sports. You don’t talk about Christ, you talk about work. When you commit to a church, you often are forced into close quarters with people that you have nothing else in common with other than your love for Christ. Which makes the relationship Christ-centred. Our wise Lord uses your lack of common preferences to make Himself the centre of our conversation and friendship.
8. Your local church exposes our need for the Gospel
Question:
- What does the world do when they sin against each other?
Answer:
- Offer vague, differing apologies (I’m sorry you were hurt).
- Avoid people that hurt them.
- Pretend everything is okay (Oh yeah, no big deal!)
- and on and on.
There is one community where conflict and sin should be dealt with nothing less than the atoning work of Jesus Christ: the local church. The more you spread yourself out, the easier it is to avoid conflict. The easier it is to hide sin. The easier it is to pretend everything is fine. The local church is God’s tool, putting us all in one room every week, to remind us that we need the Gospel. We need the Gospel to forgive, and be forgiven. The Christian who is ‘all in’ at their local church has no where else to go when he or she is hurt, and must deal with the sin with the Gospel. The Christian who has 2 or 3 other places they feel they can, ‘meet with God’ will likely spend a lot of time in those places when some conflict arises, and will wait too long to deal with the issue, or never deal with it at all.
My desire is that people would know that Jesus Christ walked on the earth, and Jesus Christ says, ‘just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34 - 35). I want you to experience the joy of the Christian community. I want you to be cared for. Protected. Led well. Encouraged. To the extend that you give your time to relationships outside the church community, these things will suffer. I would urge you to evaluate the time you spend in relationships outside your local church, and prayerfully consider if perhaps you need to redistribute that time.
