Doubt...

These last couple of weeks have been pretty tough. I can't really pinpoint what made them so tough, my head has just been a mess.

Alot of it was feelings of dissatisfaction and isolation. I had a couple of occations where I felt really rejected by certain people. Just like I wasn't even worth a glance. It's not a nice feeling. The fact that I didn't have anyone to share this with kind of compounded my feelings of inadequacy.

Then just doubt. I've had more than my fair share lately. My exams have been far from successful, it seems like all my grades are dropping, and I don't know why. I put the same effort and everything. The doubt thing came to a head when i got a call about a guy wanting to take my room in my house... permanently.

For those of you who don't know, I have to go tree planting every summer, and my only hope of not having to go through all the stress and uncertainty of finding a place to live each fall, is if I can get some one to rent my room for the summer. I don't want to explain why it is so hard on me to not know where I will live in the fall, because it would take too long. Let me just say that the fact that I don't have a car or any home base anywhere in the world is just the start of my difficulties.

I was in bad shape. then I actually started believing what I know.

What is the point of all this? School, work, church, life. Is it not to glorify God? And how do we please God? With faith. Or, it is impossible to please God without faith.

In Philip Yancy's take on Job, God allowed those things to happen to Job because faith is soooo important to God. It tips the scales of the universe. It rattles the chains of eternity. Unlike the pains we experience in our lives, it will be remembered forever. Forever.

As usual, I don't know how long this mind frame will last. It could be a huge step I've taken in my walk. It could be temporary reprieve from the mental burden that I tend to place on myself. But the lesson is true.