5 Things I Want to Say about the Upcoming Election

The people that know me know that as hard as it has been for them to hear so much political noise for the last little while, it has been just as hard for me to keep my opinions to myself during this time.

I am ready to say something into all these events; I hope and pray it will be beneficial.

1. The people who vote differently than you are not the Devil.

First, I think that we need to stop believing that anyone who votes differently than us hates the human race.

At worst, they want their particular group to benefit at the expense of another. But as I talk to people, I don’t think that there are many people who want the families in Alberta to descend into poverty, or want the earth to descend into a post-apocalyptic wasteland of pollution. Yes, you may believe that they are ignorant of the consequences of their political view, but can we at least give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are voting in such a way that they believe most Canadians will benefit from?

2. We are all single issue voters

Sometimes Christians have been criticized for being, ‘single issue voters’. That is, they ignore all the other positions of a particular party, and vote for the one that is prolife (for example).

But we are all single issue voters. Imagine for a moment that the NDP declared that they don’t believe black people should work white collar jobs because of research that has come up. Would you care about their plan to save the baby seals? No. That racist world view is so abhorrent that any other platform and promise becomes null and void. So really, we are all single issue voters; you just have to find the issue for each person.

3. The News wants your attention

There may be some people involved in the media centers of our country that still believe that their job is to get to the truth of a matter. However, by and large, the News media outlets are going to exaggerate everything and make it sound 10 times worse than it is, because when they do, it get’s people’s attention. Then people watch the news or buy their paper or whatever, and they make money.

I have some people who are very dear to me that are re-posting a lot of that kind of stuff, and I don’t think it is helpful. Tom Mulcair is not the Devil. Stephen Harper is not the Devil. Justin Trudeau is not the Devil. Stop believing the facebook posts and media outlets that are saying so.

4. Pastors can’t say who they are voting for

This points to a broader principle that we should be aware of. Most people that are wise, and discerning will not be yelling their opinion from the housetop, because they care about the soul rather than the vote (I am well aware that I may possibly be disqualifying myself on this point).

There are two lessons from this:

First, go looking for wisdom rather than waiting for it to land in your lap.

Seek people who have wisdom rather than just receiving what is force fed you by political pundits, tweets, and news media outlets. If it is worth listening to, then it may take some time to find it.

Second, think and pray about whether it is worth losing credibility with your neighbors over who you vote for. Maybe some of us are in neighborhoods where it would help our witness to display our political views. However, here in Vancouver, it would not help me to put a ‘Stephen Harper’ sign on my front lawn, which brings me to my last point.

5. I am voting Conservative

To balance my previous point, I do believe there are ways to express a controversial opinion that are healthy and good. This is my best attempt.

Let me give the reasons in bullet form, without arguing.

• I have personal relationships with people who have spent time with Stephen Harper and have spoken well of him.
• I am Conservative ideologically, and so even if I don’t agree with the party, I believe the principles of conservatism are best for our country, and a vote for the Conservative party moves us in that direction.
• The Liberals and NDP have come out as clearly pro-abortion.
• I do believe that much of the environmental fears are much more political rhetoric than they are reality.
• I believe that, ‘it is time for a change,’ maybe makes sense when you are talking about your wardrobe, but not when it comes to politics. It can easily take a decade for the effects of a policy in government to trickle down into the homes of the general population. Political movement is slow. Constantly changing governments make the country stand still.
• I believe that the Conservatives have done the best that they can to balance a welcoming tax structures for the rich, who enter our country and provide jobs and revenue through their taxes, without giving them so many benefits that it is milking the average Canadian dry.
• I believe you, and I will be better off with a Conservative government (see point #1)

#ShoutYourAbortion and the Cure for Shame

“I don’t even care!"

Defiance comes in all shapes and sizes, and in this case, it was in the shape of an 7 year old boy. He was in trouble again, and it was very clear that he really did care. A lot. 

It was clear that he would do just about anything to silence the voice deep in his heart that says, “I’ve blown it. No one here will accept me or like me ever”. 

Even though this little boy would swear at me, would flip me the bird, would straight up say, “I hate you!” I couldn’t help but feel a great deal of warmth and affection for him, since it was so obvious that he was hurting and wanted to be accepted and loved. I’d like to think that he warmed up to me over the time I spent with him working at the Boys and Girls club, but I don’t know if I am the most unbiased judge of that. 

As adults, we can sometimes believe that we have matured far beyond the behaviour of children, when, in many cases, we just get better at hiding our little temper tantrums and insecurities. It is sad in a way, because the better we get at silencing the hurt and tenderness in our hearts, the more we alienate those who might have compassion for us. 

Which brings me to #ShouldYourAbortion. 

I suppose the first order of business is trying to persuade you that the twitter trend #ShoutYourAbortion is the same thing as an 8 year old saying, “I don’t even care”. Perhaps I cannot be compelling, but let me say just one thing: If all these women really did not feel any shame or guilt over their abortion, why do they feel the need to, “Shout their abortion?” 

Yes, I know, it is for the women who DO feel shame: those women who are being ‘helped’ by this twitter trend. As though, if you feel guilt about something, just surround yourself with people that say, ‘No, you should not feel guilty!’ That will make the guilt go away. 

So that is the solution. When you feel bad about something you do, or that you have done, simply take to the internet, and proclaim how you, “don’t feel bad at all”. That is the cure for shame. 

If you really think that is the cure for shame, then I really don’t have anything more to say to you. However, if you have found this well to be dry, if you have found that no matter how loudly you “ShoutYourAbortion,” or any other one of the things that make you feel shame, There is another cure. One that does not just deal with subjective feelings, but the objective reality of guilt.

His name is Jesus Christ. 

He says to us,  ^"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28 - 30). 

Is your throat sore from shouting your abortion, or whatever guilt you feel? Are you running out of breathe? Come to Him. 

He had all our sins, all our wrongs put on Him. They seeped into His pours and blackened His soul, those things that He never did. But He took them on Himself so that we could be pure and righteous before the God of all Creation; the Creator of all reality.  That means that when He says, “You My daughter, My son, are clean”, it is not just His opinion, it is reality. 

He does not offer a stuffy, religious life, but a life full of JOY. God is not anti-sex, anti-pleasure, and certainly not anti-woman. He created sex, and pleasure, and knows how they work best. His ways sometimes seem counter-intuitive, but again, how is the intuitive, instant gratification method working for us so far?

Speaking of counter-intuitive, we think that in order to be free from shame, we CANNOT admit that we did something wrong. The opposite is true. Freedom from shame and guilt comes from admitting before Christ, and perhaps others, that we DID do something wrong. We all have done a lot wrong. 

Will you take this cure for shame, or continue the fruitless search for another?

Work, after eating food for thought...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4BXMD-gn40

I felt as though I would respond to this video, because I have heard these arguments over an over again, which suggests to me that not many people are addressing these issues. Furthermore it seems to allow people to not only disbelieve in God, but to feel okay about abandoning their quest for truth, or at least a truth that includes God.

First of all, I admit that I am at a disadvantage. I do not have the skills, resources, or time to produce a slick-looking cartoon. I am hoping that if the reader is genuinely interested in truth, they will do their best to be aware of their tendency to be drawn to animation rather than words, and combat that tendency. So let’s get started. 

# 1 - Thinly veiled arrogance. 

First of all, the big blind spot in this perspective is that it is portrayed to be the most humble, when the Atheist view is the most arrogant. He believes he is expressing humility by saying things like, ‘I don’t think I could be sure…’ which he believes suggest that he has a humble incredulity in regards to his own experience. 

However, if you watch the video closely, the experience of the Atheist is presented as superior to the experience of every one else. He is the smart one in judgment over all the other religious views. What qualifies him to judge all the other views? His own reasoning and experience. It is ironic because, as I’ll get to later, at least some in the crowd of theists trust holy literature above their own experience, which makes them more humble than the Atheist. 

Another few points of veiled arrogance are the way that the Atheists walks away at the end (showing, ‘he tried, but they are just too foolish…), his forceful, ‘logical' argument is met with silence (showing his thoughts to be wise), and the way the silence is broken followed by more arguing and fighting amongst the theists (showing that the theists have nothing to come back with). It draws out this unspoken, ‘If only more people were more level headed and logical like the Atheist, the world would be a better place.” Such a view needs to do some homework and see that Atheism does not breed utopia, not by a long shot.

# 2 - Straw man argument

If you don’t know what a ‘straw man argument’ is, it is when you put forth a weak version of a person's or group’s argument, in order to show how ‘stupid’ it is without doing the actual work of understanding what they believe and refuting it. That is what happens here, in AT LEAST the case of the few Christian denominations that are represented. I can’t speak for all the other ones. 

Although I am surprised at some of the accuracies, only the most bigoted and naive perspectives of each person’s faith is being represented here, and that is just not fair arguing. 

The first example of this is right at the very beginning. The video broad strokes all Theists as believing that God has spoken to them, simply because of some subjective ‘feelings’. I know that for myself, being a Christian, I am a staunch doubter of my emotions. Furthermore, Christians do not set their hope on their subjective feelings alone, we set them on the Word of God, and the Historical person of Jesus Christ. Here is Richard Dawkins admitting that Jesus Christ lived:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5EjA-JNiVk

If you want to argue the validity of the Bible, miracles, etc., there are many resources for such debates. The point is that Christians do not simply rest their belief that there is a God, and He speaks to them, based on their biased, subjective feelings. 

# 3 - Straight up lies. 

The Atheist says at 3:03, “typically, religion obeys borders, while truth does not”. He say this after a condescending lecture, finger pointed, harsh tone stating that their view of God comes from the way they were raised, and the view of God they were taught. This is simply not true, and there are some very obvious points behind me. 

Christianity, for example, was started in the middles east, amongst Jews. It moved around the world, taking hold in Europe, and then moving to North America. Today, China and Africa each have percentages of Christians that at least compete, if not completely overwhelm the numbers in the US and Canada. It is simply not true that, ‘for the most part, religion obeys borders’, at least not in the case of Christianity.

# 4 Differing perspectives on an issue does not mean all perspective are wrong. 

I’ll say it again: “Differing perspectives on an issue does not mean all perspectives are wrong!”. Let’s say there were 5 doctors that each at a different perspective on your health, and two of them said, ‘It’s cancer”. Would you throw up your arms and say, ‘Who can know if such smart people disagree!’ No, you would roll up your sleeves, and darn well figure out who is right.

This argument is more common among agnostics, but it is also used by Atheists: “If those religious people can’t agree, then logically, there is not point in finding out what is true. In fact, probably no one is right”. This is not even logical.

# 5 God should be clearer

The argument at the end says, “If God had a message about who He is, and what He requires of man, then why wouldn’t He express it in a way that we would all understand and agree on?” The answer to this is very simple: we don’t want to. 

Think about it. Have you ever had an argument with someone who refused to see plain logic because of the consequences of conceding to your argument? Of course! That is what this video is accusing theists of doing. The reason people all agree that 2 + 2 = 4 is because there are no consequences from the way we live whether it is 4 or 137. I can still do what I want, when I want, even if 2 + 2 = 4. But if the God of the Bible is real, then there are real consequences for the way I live. We see this all the time in how people twist scientific research into the harm of certain chemicals, etc, reinterpreting the results when there is money involved.  

So why doesn’t God just correct us all? Because He allows us to choose. He is humble enough to put His beautiful, eternal Word in a book, and simply say, “When you want to know, here it is”. With some He is more urgent, but that is the way He has done it in general. 

Things I like about the video

I actually appreciate that there has been some homework done in regards to different denominations, and that this person admits that there are true and real contradictions between these belief systems. I do believe there was some attempt to portray these views in a real and fair way, even though it failed in the ways I mentioned. My goal here is that those who have stopped thinking about the possibility of God and the next life would pick it back up again, since truth is worth it. 

I cleaned my room today: For the love of order.

I cleaned my room today before I sat down to work. 

It seemed to make a big difference, and I felt a twinge of joy and satisfaction seeing all the dust-free surfaces, and the toiletries on my dresser sorted by frequency of use.  

I have to admit, I am slightly embarrassed to announce this. These sorts of comments are normal relegated to the obsessive, the perfectionists, and the uptight, three traits you don't want on your eharmony profile. But is it wrong to love order? To see beauty in order?

Many of us strive for order in our lives, with varying results. 

Many of us try and reserve a small place of order in our lives: your room, your house, your office or even your computer (with your icons set up in just such a way, with all sorts of diagnostics apps telling you how things are going). 

Some of us have come to believe order is a bad things, as a result of some event, such as having kids. We believe that fun and order cannot exist together, so we conclude that order must be something bad--always threatening our relationships, making us irritable over the smallest things. Maybe we’ve even been wounded by those who love order in church: conflict and animosity over seemingly pointless things such as carpet colour, arrangement of the bulletin, and chair layout. 

Finally, some have even slipped into despondency and depression because they are continually disappointed by the lack of order in their world: new things get old, clean rooms get dirty, technology becomes obsolete, clothes get stained and shrink. They have found that endless hours of cleaning, organizing and upgrading have brought them no closer to the order that their hearts desire. 

There is only hope in Christ for any of these groups. 

See, the presence of Christ is the only place that the beauty of healthy inter-personal relationships, and the peace that comes from a perfectly ordered world are realized. 

1 Cor 14:33 (NIV) - “ For God is not a God of disorder but of peace…"

The reason many of us come into unnecessary conflict that stems from our desire for order is because we are taking a desire God has given us, which is meant to points us to the next life, and instead try and satisfy it in this temporary, broken world. 

Colossians 3:1 - 4 (ESV)

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. ³ For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."

Should we not strive for order and peace here on earth? Absolutely we should. Yet we should not put our hope in it. A Christian who has put their hope in the peace, order and love that is present in heaven, will not become anxiety ridden, depressed, or irritable when the order they desire is unrealized on earth. 

Just so you know, I have a long way to go on this one too. 

So join with me in fighting that tendency to hope for the order I crave in this world, and  be ‘sober-minded,’ and ‘set your hope fully on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.’ 1 Peter 1:13. 

And finally, let us remember that  Christ left a world of perfect order and beauty (heaven), to come into a world, He created in perfect order and beauty, that we messed up, so that we could live forever in His world of perfect order and beauty. 

I don't know about you, but if I gave someone a house that we beautiful, and they destroyed it, the last thing I would want is to have them live at my house. He is amazing. 

Rainbow Flag, Confederate Flag.

Listening to a podcast the other day, a the juxtaposition of two flag stories prominent in local news came up. 

Well, one local, one international. 

In Abbotsford, city council had decided to fly the Rainbow flag, a symbol of pride and solidarity with those who embrace relationships outside of what might be called, ‘traditional’ (i.e. a man and a woman) 

In other news, people all over the states were calling for the abolishing of the confederate flag. 

So what do we have here? Two flags that minority groups find offensive: Gay pride flag, confederate flag. 

The minority that would find the Rainbow flag offensive would be many Christians, Jews, and Muslims, and perhaps others.  

The group that finds the confederate flag offensive is African Americans. 

The big question is: "why is it assumed that one flag is clearly offensive and should be taken down, and the other should be put up?" 

The answer has to do with minority (the bullied) and the majority (the bullies). The reason why culture thinks the rainbow flag is good, is because it represents the bullied and confederate flag represents the bullies. 

Therefore, the bully's flag must come down, and the flag of the bullied must go up.

Here we see one of the deepest values of western culture: 

"down with bullies and everything they stand for, up with the bullied and everything they stand for."

All good so far, right? 

One problem: who decides who the bullies are, and who the bullied are?

Well, the majority. Those with power and influence. 

This is a scary proposition. Why?

Because at one time, those who believed slavery was okay was the majority. Furthermore, throughout history, it has been those who have power and influence who have DONE the bullying. 

My point being this: 

We have put our selves in a precarious position indeed, when those of power and influence decide who is the bully and who is the bullied. What if they turn on your group next? What if they turn on you individually? 

Please be careful when you demonize an individual or group. The way to get people to hate and feel okay about it today is to say, ‘Look at what bullies these people are!'

This is already happening in our culture. If you are bored already, I understand. I'm waaaay over 150 characters. 

However, below I have compiled some excerpts in which we see the cruelty that is justified in the name if 'sticking it to the bully'. 

Full Article: http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/02/15/magazine/how-one-stupid-tweet-ruined-justine-saccos-life.html?referrer=

Eventually I started to wonder about the recipients of our shamings, the real humans who were the virtual targets of these campaigns. So for the past two years, I’ve been interviewing individuals like Justine Sacco: everyday people pilloried brutally, most often for posting some poorly considered joke on social media.

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One person I met was Lindsey Stone, a 32-year-old Massachusetts woman who posed for a photograph while mocking a sign at Arlington National Cemetery’s Tomb of the Unknowns. Stone had stood next to the sign, which asks for “Silence and Respect,” pretending to scream and flip the bird. She and her co-worker Jamie, who posted the picture on Facebook, had a running joke about disobeying signs — smoking in front of No Smoking signs, for example — and documenting it. But shorn of this context, her picture appeared to be a joke not about a sign but about the war dead. Worse, Jamie didn’t realize that her mobile uploads were visible to the public.

Four weeks later, Stone and Jamie were out celebrating Jamie’s birthday when their phones started vibrating repeatedly. Someone had found the photo and brought it to the attention of hordes of online strangers. Soon there was a wildly popular “Fire Lindsey Stone” Facebook page. The next morning, there were news cameras outside her home; when she showed up to her job, at a program for developmentally disabled adults, she was told to hand over her keys. (“After they fire her, maybe she needs to sign up as a client,” read one of the thousands of Facebook messages denouncing her. “Woman needs help.”) She barely left home for the year that followed, racked by PTSD, depression and insomnia. “I didn’t want to be seen by anyone,” she told me last March at her home in Plymouth, Mass. “I didn’t want people looking at me.”

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“that girl at Halloween who dressed as a Boston Marathon victim. I felt so terrible for her.” She meant Alicia Ann Lynch, 22, who posted a photo of herself in her Halloween costume on Twitter. Lynch wore a running outfit and had smeared her face, arms and legs with fake blood. After an actual victim of the Boston Marathon bombing tweeted at her, “You should be ashamed, my mother lost both her legs and I almost died,” people unearthed Lynch’s personal information and sent her and her friends threatening messages. Lynch was reportedly let go from her job as well.

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I met a man who, in early 2013, had been sitting at a conference for tech developers in Santa Clara, Calif., when a stupid joke popped into his head. It was about the attachments for computers and mobile devices that are commonly called dongles. He murmured the joke to his friend sitting next to him, he told me. “It was so bad, I don’t remember the exact words,” he said. “Something about a fictitious piece of hardware that has a really big dongle, a ridiculous dongle. . . . It wasn’t even conversation-level volume.”

Moments later, he half-noticed when a woman one row in front of them stood up, turned around and took a photograph. He thought she was taking a crowd shot, so he looked straight ahead, trying to avoid ruining her picture. It’s a little painful to look at the photograph now, knowing what was coming.

The woman had, in fact, overheard the joke. She considered it to be emblematic of the gender imbalance that plagues the tech industry and the toxic, male-dominated corporate culture that arises from it. She tweeted the picture to her 9,209 followers with the caption: “Not cool. Jokes about . . . ‘big’ dongles right behind me.” Ten minutes later, he and his friend were taken into a quiet room at the conference and asked to explain themselves. A day later, his boss called him into his office, and he was fired.

“I packed up all my stuff in a box,” he told me. (Like Stone and Sacco, he had never before talked on the record about what happened to him. He spoke on the condition of anonymity to avoid further damaging his career.) “I went outside to call my wife. I’m not one to shed tears, but” — he paused — “when I got in the car with my wife I just. . . . I’ve got three kids. Getting fired was terrifying.”

The woman who took the photograph, Adria Richards, soon felt the wrath of the crowd herself. The man responsible for the dongle joke had posted about losing his job on Hacker News, an online forum popular with developers. This led to a backlash from the other end of the political spectrum. So-called men’s rights activists and anonymous trolls bombarded Richards with death threats on Twitter and Facebook. Someone tweeted Richards’s home address along with a photograph of a beheaded woman with duct tape over her mouth. Fearing for her life, she left her home, sleeping on friends’ couches for the remainder of the year.

Next, her employer’s website went down. Someone had launched a DDoS attack, which overwhelms a site’s servers with repeated requests. SendGrid, her employer, was told the attacks would stop if Richards was fired. That same day she was publicly let go.

“I cried a lot during this time, journaled and escaped by watching movies,” she later said to me in an email. “SendGrid threw me under the bus. I felt betrayed. I felt abandoned. I felt ashamed. I felt rejected. I felt alone.

If you have read this far, I hope you will take a moment and consider these real people before you think that one act of ‘bullying’ means that any act of cruelty is justified. 

The Cruelty of a Secular Christmas

Over the years, I have heard many messages, some implicit, some explicit, about the true meaning of Christmas. Most of them seem slightly irritating, but harmless: “Christmas is all about that childlike wonder," and “Christmas is about giving”.

            Although I have not done a survey, I would have to say that “being near the ones you love” is one of the most universally agreed upon in our culture. One of the reasons this message is so powerful is because every year many of us get so consumed by the frenzy of gift buying, decorating, baking, etc, that 'being near the ones you love," seems profoundly deep and meaningful. But what if there is something even deeper? 

            See, to some, if Christmas is about 'being near the ones you love,' (or really any of the meanings of Christmas offered by secular society) then Christmas is just torture. Maybe their parents are divorced, and this is the first Christmas after. Maybe their family is tainted with abuse of some kind. Maybe their family get together is haunted by the huge hole left by a missing family member. Where are the ‘tidings of great joy’ for all of these people? Is Christmas the ‘most wonderful time of the year,’ for everyone, or just for a narrow sliver North Americans living in naïve opulence? I wonder how many have given up on the experience of belonging and love that we are ‘supposed to feel’ this time of year, and therefore given up on Christmas.

            But what if Christmas is actually MORE for those who HAVE huge holes in their family than it is for those who live in the card-castle of domestic harmony? What if Christmas is actually about celebrating the beginning of something huge: the beginning of a process that will end all the hurt, all pain, and even all death? If the broken hearted out there are able to find a radio station that sings about the right ‘baby’ this Christmas, then you might find hope in lyrics like this:

“No more let sins and sorrow grow, nor thorns infest the ground.

He comes to make, His blessings flow, far as the curse is found…” (Joy to the World)

“O come, Thou Day-Spring come and cheer

our spirits by Thine advent here.

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,

and death’s dark shadow put to flight.” (O Come O Come Emmanuel)

This is why EVERYONE can celebrate Christmas; because the King of the Universe came to make war on all that is ugly, filthy, tragic, and horrifying, whether it be inside our hearts, or around us. He came to put an end to all sorrow and pain. That is why we can sing, “Joy to the world!” when all we feel is broken. That is why we say, “Oh sing, choirs of angels!” when all we feel we can do is weep. 

Not only did God declare war on all evil in this baby born in a manger, but He also promised to win that war. There will come a day when He will return in glory and take all of those who trust in Him to a land without sorrow or pain. 

May many gain true peace and joy this Christmas by trusting in Christ, and may those who already do grow ever more eager for that day. 

Merry Christmas

Real Men Drink Afternoon Coffee Part II: Stop Cultivating Failure

My last blog was a challenge to the social norms of men in our culture, in how they view their day. However, it was mostly applicable for men who are already married.
However, the central principle in this blog will be the same. How do you view your day? Is it about pushing through the dreary, boring, stressful parts to arrive at the ‘oasis’ of personal gratification? Or are our days lived out in faithfully seeking to serve others as God leads?
    I started at marriage because in many ways, that is the easy one. Most people would not balk at the idea that a Christian man must be prepared to serve his wife and family when he comes in the door at night. However, the single man is a different story. Try convincing a young single man, even a Christian young single man, that they ought to fill their single evenings and weekends with serving others. Again, I’d like to go to the word of God to start this conversation.

1 Cor 7:32-34a
“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.”

    I may not be going, at this point, where you think I am going. Most may know that most often this verse is used to help singles to be content in their singleness, while inadvertently sending them into a pit of depression.
    No, rather I want us to notice what is missing from this verse. Paul puts men into two categories: those who are married and worried about worldly things, and those who are single about focused only on the Lord. There is no category for those who are single and, ‘anxious about worldly things’.
    But how many of us single guys could honestly say, “Yep, that’s what I’m going to miss about being single: having all of my time committed to the Lord (serving others and contemplative time)”? That definitely has not been my experience hanging out with single guys. Single, Christian men are by and large about balancing out making enough money for themselves, and having enough free time for themselves. Some will work more, some will spend time on themselves more, but generally, that is the time split: money for me, and time for me (or doing school for me, so I can make money for me).
    Underneath this selfish lifestyle is an ideology that few would seriously admit to believing, but few, if any, of us single males are exempt from: “I’m single now, so I should enjoy it while I can”. This is not Biblical. This is not God honouring, and what it does, is cultivate marital failure.    
    Those single men who enjoy non-stop evenings of hanging out with other singles, video games, movies, etc., confess by their actions that they somehow believe that their spouse will be the catalyst the breaks open the time-hardened dam of selfishness, and let loose a flood of self-denying affection and service. Please.
    If we stop and think about it for a second, we know, that just like any other un-fleshly quality, it must be cultivated. This cannot be done without the work of the Spirit of God in our lives, but I would submit to you that if there was ever a generation of men who were exceptionally gifted at quenching the Spirit of God in regards to His prompting to live for others, and to spend time with God, it is our generation.
    Please think about this illustration. Imagine that at whenever point you started to be interested in girls, God led you outside to a patch of tilled ground and said to you: “I want you to tend this garden until you get married. The healthier the garden is when you get married, the better your marriage will be”. As the soft-hearted meditate on this, they will recognize that there have been some painful weeds that have made their way into that garden over the course of our lives. Pornography. Financial folly. Cowardice. They are weeds in that garden and we know it, and we hate it, and we are doing what we can to get them out of their.
    But I want you to understand that this attitude of, “I’m single now, so I should enjoy it while I can,” is not just, staying with the garden illustration, going inside and playing video games while the garden goes to the birds. It is actively planting weeds in your garden. It is intentionally making your garden worse than it would be even if you just left it alone.
    Now, I don’t want to set up your future wife as the idol that causes you to make every good decision in your life. The glory of Christ ought to be the highest motivation (among others), and if it isn’t, that is another big weed that we don’t have time to deal with here. But what I am saying is that if you seriously want to get married, you need to start to cultivate a successful marriage today.
    So what would it look like if single guys started acting like they were married, in preparation for marriage? Well, for starters, more evenings committed either to the service of others, or to contemplative time with Jesus. Money managed in such a way that once needs were met and savings set aside, it was not a free-for-all. Practically, this could mean a lot. If you work eight hours a day, and make a descent wage where you are able to put away savings and be generous to others, then I would say you should look to the church. Use your time and income to serve the bride of Christ until you have your own bride and those resources become more limited. If you have an eight hour job and it does not pay well enough to put anything into savings or allow you to be generous, or pay your debts, then this life style might look like working 10 to 12 hours a day to make sure your debts are paid off, and/or you are saving for marriage/being generous with your money. I cannot cover all the possibilities. I would start by asking a wise, godly, married man what it might look like to use your time and resources in a way that cultivates selfLESSness, and not selfishness. Ask him how many ‘singleness habits’ he had to break when he got married, and if you dare, ask him how he spent his free time when he was single (this question will likely be more devastating depending on how old the man who chose to ask is).
    As a final word, I’m not saying that we can never go out to a movie or hang out with friends again. But our rest should be intentional. Isn’t that we want? Lives that are intentional instead of following fleeting desires? Intentional rest means finding those things that restore you in order to get you healthy to serve, rather than just trying to strike the balance between working enough to get enough money to have fun when your not working. This is also something that is extremely difficult without someone older and wiser guiding you.
    Let us all humbly seek the Lord on how we can further abandon the lies and idols of this culture that are destroying our marriages and families, and let us cultivate a loving, healthy, God honouring marriage today. I’m praying for you.

Real Men Drink Afternoon Coffee

While I realize that there are a multitude of reasons for men to have their coffee thing in the morning, I would submit that in general, the reason is that the perception is that the biggest challenge of the day is at the beginning.

Getting through the haze of sleep, the onslaught of thoughts detailing the vast, waterless expanse of the work day. But there is something else that the preferred hour of caffeine intake gives away: that the dying hours of the day are the least important ones.

Almost like the day is seen as a big hill that is to be ascend on a bicycle. As 2:00 rolls around, it changes from a moderate climb, to a flat path, and on to a decline around 4:30 (roughly based on a 9-5 work day).

In other words, the general consensus of males in North America is that the time of focus, exertion and effort ceases as they arrive at home. As if eight hours is all that should ever be expected of a man in a 24 hour period.

This attitude is ravaging the homes of North America, and not just secular homes. Christian homes as well. So many men looking at the work they do as the testing ground for their character and strength. All the while ignoring the fact that (I would argue) Biblically, the primary place the Lord shapes a man’s character is in the home.

I’m not saying that we ignore our attitudes and the opportunities to learn and grow in the workplace. God knows, most of us could use some improvement in our workplace. What I am saying is that if you have the respect and admiration of everyone at work, and your house and home is a place of conflict and turmoil, you’ve lost.

What does the Word say?

Let’s look at the qualifications of an overseer, or elder in the church.

“He (the overseer) must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?”

1 Timothy 3:4-5 (ESV)

It may not be immediately apparent that this verse essentially teaches that the primary place God uses to shape a man’s character is in the home. But what is this verse clearly implying? What is it anticipating?

It is clearly anticipating that there will be men, who will be considered for eldership, that have everything cool and collected at church, but their home is a mess. Furthermore, those men are not to be ordained as elders.

And the Bible is simply clarifying something that we all know, albeit with reference to the relatively small category of elders: people, especially men, are great at putting on a front during the work day, but not so good at putting on a front at home.

here is just one example of how it works out:

One of the beautiful things about women, is you can’t hide from them. The old adage, ‘If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say nothing at all,’ tends not to work with women. Women are not satisfied with men who ‘don’t say nothing at all’ (and they ought not be satisfied). You cannot be a man who says nothing to his wife, and his children, and feel as though you’ve done your job and spared your family from whatever negativity you have cultivated in your heart. You haven’t done your job, you have failed.

Serving our families means fighting sin by meditating on the cross, and brining our hearts to a place of worship and joy before we walk in the door in the evening. And that will lead to a life-speaking husband and father. That is why Paul tells Timothy: “you want to see what a man is made of? Look at his family.”

Perhaps the verse that brings this together is simply,

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,”

Ephesians 5:25

How does Christ love the church? Does He allow the offenses and wounds that He suffered diminish the purity and selflessness of His actions toward her? Does He respond to the church well when the church loves Him well, and is indignant or withdrawn when He feels He has been disrespected or misunderstood? I could go on, and in fact, in our meditations, we MUST go on. Go on until your soul is helped.

Yes we will fail, but I truly believe that we set ourselves up for failure when we perceive the hours that require our greatest performance between 9 and 5. So where do you put your emphasis in the day? Is it trying to push through the morning? Or do you REALLY get down to business as you walk through that door at night?

What would the homes of our nation look like if the husbands and fathers relegated the bulk of their emotional and physical vitality for the hours AFTER work? What cancerous seeds are planted by an entitled man walking through the door like Mr. Banks from Mary Poppins:

"I run my home precisely on schedule
At 6:01, I march through my door
My slippers, sherry, and pipe are due at 6:02
Consistent is the life I lead!

...It's 6:03 and the heirs to my dominion
Are scrubbed and tubbed and adequately fed
And so I'll pat them on the head
And send them off to bed
Ah! Lordly is the life I lead!"

So perhaps some of us ought to pass by that first cup of coffee in the morning, and start a routine of afternoon coffee.

Next time: what if I’m a single guy?