Defining.

Here are a few words that probably best express how life has been for me lately. Not the happiest thing in the world, but maybe it will encourage you too keep on track.

Oh, how You know the feeling...

to stare into the eyes of a love so true,
watch him strip himself of everything
that is keeping him alive.
everything he's ever owned of value.
Because he's stumbled upon the smell of feces
and can't stop thinking about it.

Is there yet a man in Judah
who will fight for what is beautiful?

Or is there only those who curse the truth?
Smear disgrace on their chest and arms like sunscreen?
And their mouths drip with festering platitudes.
Their hands so filthy that they poison the soil
as they dig their own graves.

Is there yet a man in Judah
who will fight for what is pure?

Selah.

I left because of you…

This is the first time in my life I’ve been officially accepted into church leadership.

It is kind of strange, because in some ways, not much changes.

I do basically all the same sorts of things I did when I volunteered, just a little bit more so. But I have had a long history with the church.

I have historically had a lot of complaints against the church in general, and often against the church I attended specifically.

I have done my best to ignore issues of preference (music for example) and tried to focus on things that I genuinely believe are heart issues, and even tried to keep those to a very select audience. I know the warnings in the bible against divisiveness.

I think that amongst my generation, I was, in fact, one of those who complained the least about certain petty things. I actually really love a lot of the church. In fact, I would often find myself trying to defend the church and church attendance in general.

But nothing could prepare me for this change in perspective.

One day, I found that a family at our “church” (congregation, gathering, whatever you want to call it) left to another church. And they left because of me.

The issue was there was a certain standard that they upheld at home, and I was organizing youth events, and one of the events we did usurped what they were trying to teach their kids.

Now, if I told you the specific issue, most people would probably be on my side, but that’s not the point. I caused someone to leave. My choices. My leadership.

All this to say, you just don’t know what your talking about, until you come under the scrutiny of leadership position. Imagine some humble, loving people feeling too intimidated by your position and not wanting to talk to you about it, but feel rather that leaving is the answer. It has taught me a lot.

One of the biggest things, is that I hope people would talk to their leaders rather than about them. I know it can be intimidating, or you may think they don’t have the time, but it is so much more appreciated than just leaving or harbouring feelings.

There may be a day when I offend people for the right reasons. In that day, I hope to be given the grace to stand my ground. But in the meantime, I pray for the humility to ask for forgiveness, and honour those who have come back and celebrate the great gift of Jesus Christ with me.

Can I pick the story?

It’s the little things that tend to throw me for a loop.

Today was one of those days where dinner took a little extra time. We had a roast with gravy and mashed potatoes and green beans. Those stupid green beans take forever to cut.

I was a little later than I had hoped for dinner, so I had to run out for ball hockey: something that I had organized to be from youth to young adults, a kind of mingling activity, plus a lot of fun.

Near the end of the game I found out my sister had phoned one of my friends to babysit, very odd since I don’t know if this guy has ever babysat in his life. It was a sign of desperation; she really wanted to go somewhere tonight.

I got home to my one of my biggest fear: the dinner mess had not been touched. Pots open, roast sitting on the counter, potatoes and green beans slowing going hard.

All those negative thoughts rushed into my head: “this is so unfair! Don’t those guys see what I do for them?”

I really did try to look away from what was in front of me, but I just couldn’t. It was right in my face. My brother and sister off doing social events, leaving me with a huge mess and a crying niece. So I did the only thing I could muster the strength for. I went outside and prayed.

It helped a little, so I went back in side, and started to clean up, and not focus so much on what was in front of me. I honestly started feeling sorry for myself, wishing that I at least had someone to talk to.

Gwyn was still crying for her mother. I decided to go in and try and comfort her, knowing full well she could just get mad at me. She does that sometimes, I know she doesn’t mean it, but in situations like this, it is kind of hurtful.

So I went in, and thank God, she was really sweet: “All I want to do is read my Bible story”. She said in between sobs.

“Alright Gwyn, I’ll read you one”.

“Can I pick it?” She asked as always.

“Sure.” She snuggled up and turned to a familiar picture with a boy wearing a coat of many colours.

I almost couldn’t read. I was tearing up. It was just what I needed. The title of the story was: “The Forgiving Prince” I remembered the line, “What you intended for evil, God has used for good.

I remembered how spoiled I am. All I have to deal with is a lonely night and a few dished, Joseph had to deal with many lonely nights in prison. Jesus had his share of lonely nights too. And neither of them had done anything to deserve them.

Thank You so much Jesus. You heard the prayers of a winy little boy tonight. You don’t just tell us how to act, you were there. You don’t just tell us you love us, You show us.

Jerry

I go for a lot of walks.

On this walk I was, ironically, sitting down.

Sitting down with a great view of this beautiful little city.

A man on a bike stopped just off to my right and said, “enjoy this.”

He continued on. This man had strong opinions, but he loved Our city.

By most accounts, this was a strange looking man. Long black hair, a bike helmet with two small side view mirrors on it, black jeans with masking tape around the bottoms, and all sort of reflective stickers and a vest on. But he had a lot to share about life, and death.

One of his strong opinions centered around Christians. The Nazi’s were Christians. Pretty much every atrocity that was every committed was done in the name of “some Jewish corpse”.

Was I offended by this? I’m not sure. More than anything, I just wanted him to know what was true. But I just listened. One of the few things I said was in response to his statement when he leaned close to me and said,

“I have good news: your not a dirty rotten sinner!”

With a smile I responded, “yeah, not anymore!”

Then he launched into his philosophy about how only those with 100% cruel intent were actually evil. I thought of the verse that talked about how an apple tree doesn’t bear figs, and a fountain of bitter water does not give for sweet water. But I didn’t have to. I just listened to him. And for me, that was okay.

It isn’t always okay. I think the reason why I was okay to not talk was because I knew in my heart I wasn’t afraid too.

As my awareness of the evening’s activities became more pressing, I excused myself, with one thing I really felt I needed to say.

This thing would be trite and meaningless in many contexts, but in this one, somehow, I think it meant a lot. Was it my idea to say it? Probably not. But I knew I had to say it, and it makes a lot of sense now as I reflect on it. So from about street’s width away, I called out my last words to him:

“God Bless, my friend!”

belonging...

What desparate things would a man do to feel like he belonged?

How would a man walk if he knew where he belonged?

subtle arrogance.

I was inspired to share this little story by a new friend, so here goes.

I was reading the SS 11 text book, since I'm teaching SS 11 right now, and the topic is WWII. I'm just at the beginning. How the treaty of Versailles was really harsh on the Germans, to the point were there was no way that they could pay back their debt.

Another interesting note, the American president at the time, wanted a treaty that emphasized forgiveness, which may have lead to the avoidance of WWII! Anyway...

So the first thing I realized was that Germany, albeit for a short time, was an oppressed country! People were hungry, and poor, and out of work, and the world was like, "Pay up!"

At the same time, Canada (and the US) was going through a depression, and socialist parties were gaining momentum because of the hard times. The people figured democracy didn't work, so we should try something else. And it wasn't even as bad in Canada as it was in Germany!!

Now in comes Hitler, makes all these promises to get people back on their feet, and when he does come to power, he actually delivers!!

Now tell me we wouldn't follow a guy who brought us out of the suffering and misery of a depression? Most of us don't even know what a depression is like, though we may soon find out. What would it be like to look your family in the eyes when they tell you they are hungry, are we going to eat tonight, and this guy gets you a job, and feeds your family?

The fact is, we turn to false saviors everyday. Not all of them have the immediate repercussions of an Adolf Hitler, but we do anyway.

Any Savior besides Jesus Christ is idolatry, and Christians need to be careful they don't see themselves as morally superior to even the Nazis! For it is by grace we are saved. Of course, that doesn't mean we excuse the behavior at all. sin is sin.

Just a little something I noticed while reading a text book.

If you want to know a guy...

Some people say that if you really want to know what a guy is like watch him play sports. I agree. I've know some pretty soft-spoken guys that are absolute goons on the turf. But I have noticed another one.

Maybe this is with all people, but if you want to know how insecure a guy is, watch how he reacts when somebody cuts him off, or does something else inappropriate in traffic. Chances are he'll do this:
1.Immediately get mad, perhaps swear, or display other uncommon behaviour
2.He will continue to talk about it, even though you try to bring up another topic.
3.He will tell this story to the first friend he meets, and all the rest of his friends for the rest of the week, and even beyond that if the topic comes up.

I can't say what exactly is the source of this, but I know for me, I really want to be right. I need everybody in the world to tell me that "the other guy" was wrong, and idiot, unsafe, etc., and that I am a skilled, competent driver. Ha ha. If I was really confident in my driving ability, I would be able to let it go, and sometimes I can. It all comes down to having my value in how Christ sees me, not the people I'm driving with, not my friends, not anyone else.

Anyway, ladies, if your wondering if this guy is "the one" watch how he reacts in traffic...

Pity Party

If I start on a sadder note, I usually pick it up by the end of my post, but I'm not making any promises, this could be depressing.

I don't think a lot of the following thoughts are very healthy, and they are also very selfish, but I will allow myself this one time to be completely honest, especially since it appears as though no one really ever reads this... (see comments for the past 12 posts... 0 comments, 0 comments, etc.)

I was struck by my situation today, because I feel like it is uncommon.

I am in the grocery store, buying my sister a little Valentine's gift, shopping for my family, getting ready to take care of my niece, who lives at my house. I am not going out tonight, I am taking care of her. When I go out tomorrow night, I am taking her with me so that my sister can have a weekend away with her friend.

Sound a little self-righteous? Well it is.

Here's the thing. I am still single. 5 years now. Not a single date.

My love life is a combination of rejection, disappointment, and being the reject-er. Sometimes it is really harsh being the reject-er, because you look into that persons eyes and you see that all-to-familiar pain, and now you are the source of it.

There are a lot of things that bother me about that. Namely it is hard to not think, "what is wrong with me?" Doesn't this sound like a good profile?:

27 year old male, physically fit, healthy eater, leader in local congregation, cares for/lives with younger sister and niece, singer/songwriter, Bachelor of Arts & Bachelor of Education, cooks, cleans, responsible, committed, passionate, and above all, loves Jesus with all His heart.

Maybe arrogance is my problem... :)

Seriously though, humility is not denying what God has done in me. I don't know. The biggest problem is, that sometimes these facts lead to believe that God does not love me. Either He can't control what is going on, or He doesn't care enough to change anything.

But you know what? I refuse to believe that. I know God. He is good. Not only that but His plans are so much better than mine. I know that He deeply desires to give us everything we ever could want, which is why He gave Himself to us... because even though we don't realize it sometimes, the only thing that will every truly make us go, "I don't want anything else," is to be with God. Even finding the most amazing girl in the world won't fix me.

So now that that is over, I'm free to move on with my life.. ha ha. This will continue to come up, but as His grace increases, I will love Him more and more, and one day I'll really be able to say,

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ."

You can pray for me if you think of it.

Protecting the Heart.

I have already written a lot about men, especially single men, and what it means to be entrusted with the hearts of women around them. I have a couple of things to add.

It is easy to tell a guy to protect the women around them, and they’ll take that on, or at least they will to the best of their understanding. The problem is, when I tell a guy to protect the hearts of the girls around them, the one they have to protect the girls around them from is themselves.

That’s right. I’ll give an example.

Your friend Tanya is looking a little down at church. You ask her is everything alright. She assumes you mean it the way most people do, and says, “yes”. But you, being the caring guy you are, insist, “No really, are you alright?” She ends up spilling a story about her ex-boyfriend and how he’s into drugs, and she want to help him, etc., etc. So you sit down and listen to her, and when she opens up the conversation for a bit of help you respond with, “You know, God loves your ex more than you do, and it is probably best to just let Him handle it.”
She visible looks better, and thanks you for listening and for your advice. You go away feeling like the nice guy, the hero.

In this situation, the male feels like he has done his job, he has protected the girl, he has saved the day, that’s what God made him for, isn’t it? Not really. Inside there is evil afoot. The man is using this situation to pump up his pride, and he also opened the door for this girl to have feelings for him, even though he has no intention of persuading her or committing to her. He just wants to feel manly himself.

I’d say the biggest issue is that when most guys hear that they have to protect girls hearts, they think the enemy is out there. When the real enemy is in their own heart. Their selfishness. Their pride. Their saviour complex.

I want to see the guy who will do what’s right in regards to protecting the hearts of their female friends, even if it means all their female friends will hate them for it. That may mean, NOT siddling up when the girl is depressed. That may mean NOT flirting when the girl has put themselves in a potentially embarrassing position by flirting with you. And the end result is all female onlookers and their gossip community thinking, “What a jerk!”.

Are you willing to make that sacrifice?

"The essence of manhood is self-sacrifice"

- Matt Chandler

Victory vs Failure

A Man stands upon the battle field. His armour is broken and worn. His legs feel as though they are about to collapse under him, and the sword in his hand may as well be a giant boulder with a handle. He looks in front of him and sees a vast army without mercy, filled with hatred and united to the end of sending him to the next life. He looks behind him so see a ragged group of men who are looking to him to decide whether they run or turn and fight.

He raises his sword and runs towards the opposing army. Though anyone would tell you it is foolishness, his followers pursue with a determination that was teetering on the verge of extinction a moment ago; they know this is the right choice.

There is something about this scene, one I have seen in several movies, that resonates with me. The man who, with no victory in sight chooses to fight on rather than to give up.

Is this man fighting for victory? How can he be? Victory is impossible. He is fighting for something else. We all want that. That deep purpose we can fight for, even when victory is impossible.

But what have we gone to? We men have embraced guaranteed victory, we fight for victory alone. We enter into battles we are almost sure to win, and then we wonder why we are bored.

What about those men who are crushed by feelings of failure? Is it possible that you too are fighting for victory? We need to fight for something, someone else, and there is only one worth pouring all our heart and effort into.

I fight for Jesus Christ. Maybe this sounds cheesy. Maybe too abstract. But it is hard, and I face failure constantly, and sometimes it is too much because I lost track of why I am fighting. In other words, I fight for victory rather than for Him; for love for Him.

Is He valuable enough to fight your whole life, fail everyday, and only see victory on your deathbed? Yes He is that valuable. He is eternal. He has all the power, justice, might, strength and beauty that I long for and then more than I could ever imagine.

For me though, I don’t have enough faith, and He has to give me victory sometimes, otherwise I would crumble. I wish I had more faith, and more love. Faith that I wouldn’t need the reminders of His victory, His strength, and His presence so often to carry on. I hope there are many of you out there that have that kind of faith.

What about you? Maybe you have been running from those battles that you might lose. Maybe the only battles you fight are in warcraft, or at the gym, or vicariously through your favourite sports team or movie. “I always win, just like Bruce Willis”. Ever wonder why Braveheart had more staying power than Die Hard? Because Braveheart speaks to real life: failure, but fighting on. Die Hard is pure victory. Everybody wins. It is fake and you know it, and not just because he tuck-and-rolled his way to safety after falling of a fighter jet.

So my question, and I would say, God’s question is:

Will you fight on today?

Where in the world is Adventure?

This weekend my pastor and I traveled to a small town of about 300 people called "Burton".

I have never heard of this place before. Being there was actually a little bit depressing for me in a way. There were virtually no families in the town, only retired people, and I just felt extra-specially insignificant in that little town. Like even if I was the most popular person in town, the world wouldn't care. Strange.

I was talking alot to the couple who had provided accomodation for us. What did I get from their stories? Adventure. Not only was there just intense relationship and love between them and some of the people that had dropped into their midst, they had started this whole "care pack to Afganistan" thing, since their son was in the army. It started with their church making up some care packs, and in a few months they were getting newspaper interviews, and a call from National defense saying, "Can you stop this please, we are getting so much stuff it is a security risk"!!! Her response? "I don't have any control over this!"
I saw the newspaper clippings! They had been on national news as well!

As I pondered these things, one phrase popped into my head.

"Adventure is about obediance, not location."

If you are seeking adventure, significance, purpose, vision, it doesn't matter where you are. What matters is that you are obediant to God. That doesn't have to be mistical at all. Just be obediant to what God has in His word! This could be as simple as asking someone to come over for dinner, let them into your world, you home. It can be as simple as telling someone how they have impacted your life. Sound like a small thing? It can be incredibly risky, and some people are too scared to do it!

I challenge all readers with this. Next time you meet someone, and they seem to you like they are being obediant to God to the best of their ability, ask them: "Are you bored?"

Social Over Information

There are some “new ideas” in teaching these days. I put parentheses because I’m a firm believer in “there is nothing new under the sun”. Anyway. One of these is that teachers should be teaching how to sift information, rather than just to absorb information. I find this to be very biblical as well as missing from the church in general. One of the strategies a person can used in sifting information is to discern where a person is coming from. If I just launched into my topic, without telling you where I was coming from, then you would have to assume my experiences and my reasons for being passionate about a certain topic, and you would not be able to balance it out. So here is my topic: social justice.

There has been a pendulum swing with social justice of late. People are seeing that the church has in many ways become irrelevant, and separated itself from the society it is trying to save. Well intentioned people are building a passion to see the church as a whole take Jesus’ words through James more seriously:

“If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

We are shifting away from the amount of reverence and respect we have for those who have high positions in the church, and now are more impressed by those who have started some amazing street ministries or record labels that show the love of Jesus Christ in practical ways.

The problem is that we were never meant to hold either of these people in too high of esteem. We are supposed to be looking to Jesus as our example, and not people. So in this very well intentioned revival, do we risk a new type of Roman Catholic church? Do we risk a legalism that says, “if your not out serving hot chocolate on a Friday Night, then there’s the door?” Am I saying this movement is bad? Most definitely not.

Here is what I am saying: We cannot inspire any action without preaching Jesus Christ as our motivation. Too many well intentioned and talented preachers rely too much on guilt tactics and, “look at what these amazing people are doing!” Again, sometimes this can be okay. But to base a whole movement on these is simply blasphemous. We need to remember that God is not pleased with our deeds, He is pleased with our faith (Isa 64:6, Heb 11:6). So to make a long story short, we need to be reminding ourselves of the greatness of God and His sacrifice, and out of that will come the faith and the works. If it comes out of anything else, then there is a problem.

Also, this issue of social justice is very difficult for people who, despite what they may want, are called to minister to those in the church. To those who are already saved. I believe I am one of those people. I have repeatedly been discouraged and frustrated at my attempts to have a ministry outside of the church, but I have seen time and time again my strongest spiritual gives flow in preaching, teaching, leading worship, and discipling. Any those that read that need to know that, because that is my bias. I have been criticized, albeit indirectly, relentlessly by those I admire because my calling is not to downtown. Or overseas. It is good for me though, because I can pursue what God has for me without having man’s esteem or my own pride to worry about so much. But I worry for those who are like me. Do they too feel the weight of being told, “get out there and do something!” I have questioned even my salvation numerous times because of a passionate person who has been called outside the body of believers to minister. How many people like me are relentlessly banging there head against a wall because this is what they are taught, but God wants them to minister to His children?

Let’s filter the information we get, and make Christ the center of all we do. That’s what I’m trying to say here.

There are some “new ideas” in teaching these days. I put parentheses because I’m a firm believer in “there is nothing new under the sun”. Anyway. One of these is that teachers should be teaching how to sift information, rather than just to absorb information. I find this to be very biblical as well as missing from the church in general. One of the strategies a person can used in sifting information is to discern where a person is coming from. If I just launched into my topic, without telling you where I was coming from, then you would have to assume my experiences and my reasons for being passionate about a certain topic, and you would not be able to balance it out. So here is my topic: social justice.

There has been a pendulum swing with social justice of late. People are seeing that the church has in many ways become irrelevant, and separated itself from the society it is trying to save. Well intentioned people are building a passion to see the church as a whole take Jesus’ words through James more seriously:

“If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

We are shifting away from the amount of reverence and respect we have for those who have high positions in the church, and now are more impressed by those who have started some amazing street ministries or record labels that show the love of Jesus Christ in practical ways.

The problem is that we were never meant to hold either of these people in too high of esteem. We are supposed to be looking to Jesus as our example, and not people. So in this very well intentioned revival, do we risk a new type of Roman Catholic church? Do we risk a legalism that says, “if your not out serving hot chocolate on a Friday Night, then there’s the door?” Am I saying this movement is bad? Most definitely not.

Here is what I am saying: We cannot inspire any action without preaching Jesus Christ as our motivation. Too many well intentioned and talented preachers rely too much on guilt tactics and, “look at what these amazing people are doing!” Again, sometimes this can be okay. But to base a whole movement on these is simply blasphemous. We need to remember that God is not pleased with our deeds, He is pleased with our faith (Isa 64:6, Heb 11:6). So to make a long story short, we need to be reminding ourselves of the greatness of God and His sacrifice, and out of that will come the faith and the works. If it comes out of anything else, then there is a problem.

Also, this issue of social justice is very difficult for people who, despite what they may want, are called to minister to those in the church. To those who are already saved. I believe I am one of those people. I have repeatedly been discouraged and frustrated at my attempts to have a ministry outside of the church, but I have seen time and time again my strongest spiritual gives flow in preaching, teaching, leading worship, and discipling. Any those that read that need to know that, because that is my bias. I have been criticized, albeit indirectly, relentlessly by those I admire because my calling is not to downtown. Or overseas. It is good for me though, because I can pursue what God has for me without having man’s esteem or my own pride to worry about so much. But I worry for those who are like me. Do they too feel the weight of being told, “get out there and do something!” I have questioned even my salvation numerous times because of a passionate person who has been called outside the body of believers to minister. How many people like me are relentlessly banging there head against a wall because this is what they are taught, but God wants them to minister to His children?

Let’s filter the information we get, and make Christ the center of all we do. That’s what I’m trying to say here.

Boldness vs Humility

Boldness vs Humility

Some conversations got me thinking about our claims that we have access to God. Isn't awfully presumptuous of us to think that we are of His elect? That we can "approach the throne boldly"? How can we be comforted by thoughts of Jesus coming with all His glory, when we are not sure who's side we will be on?

I love metaphors.

So lets say the brakes go on your car. You get a ride to work and your worried all day about what you will do with your car. You call a buddy when you get home and tell him your situation and ask if he can help. He says sure.

Expecting a ride, you come out the next morning to find your buddy in your driveway cleaning up some tools. "What's going on?" You ask.

"I fixed your brakes, but new ones in, I even tested them. Your good to go."

How would you react? What if you said, "Thanks man, but I'll just take a ride to work."
"what? Why?"
"I'd just feel better getting a ride."
"what, you don't believe me? Look, I've been fixing cars for years! Look, I have your old brakes out here on the driveway! I'm all dirty from fixing your car!"

So at what point is your fear an insult to your friend? you could excuse it by saying, "I don't know much about cars, and I just don't know how he did it, I don't' feel safe."

Same thing with the cross man. At what point does it become an insult to say, "Look God, I just don't believe I'm saved, that I'm on your side. Sorry."
"What? Here's your sin on the cross! Here is the blood poured out! I'm God! I never lie! I never mislead anyone! If you can't trust Me, who can you trust!"

Sure, you can say, "what if I interpreted it wrong." Well, I'll tell you what, if we as Christian interpreted this wrong, then we don't have a faith at all, so if you can't trust this one, you might as well give up on the whole deal.

I hope this makes sense.

I really want to keep this on the down low, but I finished a song that I shared here a while ago, and here are all the lyrics. I really hope it will draw people into who God is.

Who You Are

Every pen put to a page; is yours to guide; to move or to still

A tongue to talk, a hand to hold; a heart and lungs to empty and fill

You reach past the worst offense, the simple minds, the ignorance;

To help us understand true beauty.

Creation sings a single theme…

(Chorus) You are beautiful,

Like a promise never broken, like long-hidden love out, spoken.

like the prison gates flung open,

You are beautiful,

Like the only real safe place, to put my hope in.

Every pleasure, every joy, created and bestowed with delight.

Within You balanced perfectly, grace and justice; mercy and might.

The strength to stand and then to dance, every first and second chance,

Passed from holy hands, to dirty

So we can sing together now… (Chorus)

(Bridge) I praise You Lord, for the love You show

When you move the things, that hide who you are… (3x)

Oh Please take them out of my life…

So I can see that… (Chorus)

Haven't heard from me in a while, eh? Stuff has been happening anyway though, let me tell you. I guess I don't know how I'm going to say this because it is so simple, and in a way so cliche. I guess I've figured out what it means to focus on Jesus. To worship. To "set your eyes on the prize". I've also learned a lot about faith.

The biggest thing is realizing that I still think that Christians look at the Bible the way the Pharisees did. The look at it for rules and ways to live. We get things like "don't judge" and "love your neighbor" and tougher ones like "sell all you own and give it to the poor". The problem is that if these behaviours come from our own will-driven desire to be "good," they are idolatrous and blasphemous.

Here it is, red letter gospel:

John 5:38-9: You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; it is these that testify about Me; and you are unwilling to come to Me so that you may have life.

So many of us are still just trying to be GOOD. But how? by our own will power, and when we accomplish our lack new found moral behaviour, we have just given power to our idol of pride (look how good I am) or fear (phew, no one will see how I really am). I still do this a lot.

Now if I was reading this at this point, I would be thinking, "so what do I do, just sit around a watch the TV and hope God changes me?" No. We focus on God. WHO HE IS. WHAT HE HAS DONE.

Sometimes I go out and God shows me so much about His character. I say to Him, "no one can ever teach you anything. At every falling leaf, you know why it fell, when it began the process of falling, and when its successor will take its place. You create master pieces without a single tool. You put such care into creation that it would take a person 1000 years just to make a blade of grass with the same care."

These are characteristics of God. So how do we focus on who God is? On who Jesus is? We read about Him. We talk to Him. We walk with Him. Check this out...

¹¹And I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse, and He who sat on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and wages war.

¹²His eyes are a flame of fire, and on His head are many diadems; and He has a name written on Him which no one knows except Himself.

¹³He is clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God.

¹⁴And the armies which are in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, were following Him on white horses.

¹⁵From His mouth comes a sharp sword, so that with it He may strike down the nations, and He will rule them with a rod of iron; and He treads the wine press of the fierce wrath of God, the Almighty.

¹⁶And on His robe and on His thigh He has a name written, "KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS."

I think there is a need to confess sin. To be aware of our depravity. But once we have done that, to continue to look at our sin and our fault is pointless. Saying we "should" be a certain way does not give us the power to do it. Jesus' love gives us the power to do it. We need to focus on Him and let His beauty change us. We need to acknowledge our sins not just as sins, but as reflecting a perspective that we don't have the faith to believe that God is better than TV, food, people's approval, personal pleasure, and selfishness. I'll be the first to admit that often my actions suggest that looking at a girl is better than God, who created feminine beauty!

This is what I do now. This is how I change. I avoid what I can in order to have God on the throne of my heart, and I try to love others.

I would encourage us all to put God 1st in our hearts, because as we all know, it's a long fall from 1st to 2nd. We were created to worship God, lets do what we were meant to do.

Tawmis.

Sacrifice...

I had a bit of an internal drama over the last few days that can be traced back to what might be a bit of sinful pride.

I was contemplating life in general, and I thought that I had finally come to a place where I could answer Jesus "yes" to the command he posed to the rich young ruler. That is, "sell all you own, and give it to the poor." But then it hit me. There is one thing that would be really hard for me to give up, if I could at all: my music.

I don't want to talk about why it is so important, I just talked to someone the other night who said their music wasn't very important to them, but he had something else. So for me, its my music.

I wrestled with this for quite a few days. The practicality of if, the motivation behind it, etc. etc. Last week I took a day just for me and God, and this question came up again in a big way, so that I finally relinquished. I would give away all of my music, however I could. Wipe my computer clean, delete everything off my ipod, etc.

I started going through the practical side of it, and it being Saturday, I remembered that pawn shops were commonly closed on Sunday, so I commited aloud: "okay Lord, I will bring them to the pawn shop on Monday." Knowing some of my tendencies, I next exclaimed, "Lord, I'm not going to go back and forth on this, my mind is made up, and if there is some reason why I should not do this, you will have to stop me somehow."

Almost immediately after I said this I realized that the promised Monday fell on a holiday. New Years Day to be exact. So immediately went into figuring out the next day I could bring them in, when God reminded me of my promise to bring them in Monday. All of a sudden the issue of giving away my music became the issue of "letting your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No'".

I could not deny that my prayer had been answered, God had stopped me. There were other things that happened that day that confirmed it further, but I kept myself open to the slim possibility that the pawn shop may be open on Monday. (Maybe they cash in on New Years resolution sales! Who knows?!)

Stay with me the point is coming....

So on Monday I packed up all my CD's, and headed for the pawn shop and of course, it was closed. As I rode away, I felt a bit of praise rising up in my that is explainable in a sense, I got to keep my CD's, right? but it was something different, it was something real.

It is simply this:

Why would God stop me from giving away my music?
Could it have been a good thing? Of course!
Even if it was a bit misguided, could it have been used for good? Yes!

I must conclude that God never asks us for anything unless it is Good for us. He doesn't even want me to go through the insignificant amount of pain that would be involved in giving up my music.

So when something hurts, or you think God is asking too much of you, just remember that He would not ask if it was not absolutely necessary for YOUR benefit. That's all.

Sorry...

I have a confession to make. I am arrogant. I have another confession. I am terribly hard on myself. Actually, I am both of these things, but right now, I'm going to talk about my tendancy to be arrogant.

Every once in a while God uses me to help someone. I fully know it's Him putting the words in my mouth and all that, and it is just awesome to be used by God. But as soon as that helpful thing has taken place, my old friend, you know, the one who comes to "steal, kill and destroy"? Well, he comes to take a beautiful thing that God has done, and try and pump up my pride. So I struggle with it just about every time, and I have learned a few ways to think about it, which I would like to share here.

Lets look at God as a carpenter first. When a carpenter fixes something, a passerby does not say, wow, that hammer did a good job fixing my house. No. They'll say, that carpenter did a good job fixing the house, right? Another example.

The statue of David. It is not recorded as "done by Hercules Sculpting equipment". No. It's done by Michelangelo. I think this point is fairly simple. The artist should get the credit, not the tool. Now here's an even more humbling point.

First of all, God is like super carpenter or artist, he could just push the nails in with His fingers, or shape the stone with His hands.

Now, when you read the first point, about the carpenter and the hammer, did you think, "now hold on, sometimes people do say, 'that hammer did a good job'". This is my more interesting point. In our culture, products are getting more and more credit for what the worker/artists/athlete accomplishes. Nike shoes make Michael Jordan jump higher. Black and Decker make the job look better and get done easier.

But here's what God loves to do. He goes to the tool box, and doesn't take the nice shiny new hammer. He doesn't take the moderately used, average hammer. No, he ducks down, and finds the old hammer that's been sitting on the floor under the desk for months. You know, the one that you didn't really want to look for, because you wanted an excuse to buy a new one anyway. it's covered in rust, and looks like the handle looks like it's ready to be put into the sarcophagus due to masses of duct tape holding it together, and he heads over to the project, and creates the most beautiful piece of art: Just so no one can say, "Oh, that's because he used a top of the line hammer."

Some thing else has happened to. Some thing a keen observer would notice. As the Lord used the hammer, it was being healed. The rust faded, the tape fell away, and when the project was done, The hammer is more beautiful than any other tool in the shop.

I hope this little analogy helps someone else as well. Take care.

So I admit I have been a bit of a baby lately, just in the way that I refused to write any more blogs unless I was receiving some sort of comment, so if there is actually anybody reading them, I'm sorry. Anyone who knows me knows there is always a ton of stuff going through my head, so I will just pick the first one that pops in... Born Again.

So I do a Bible study for a Christian college group called University Christian Ministries (UCM). It is pretty cool, but can be very frustrating at times. I lead the Bible study with another girl, and we were kind of in a rush one, day but we felt we completed a decent Bible study, so we went in there with it.

When we got there, thing just kind of stopped, but fortunately we just read through the Bible, and it was great, we read John 3:1-21. In it Jesus talks about being "born again." And something I never noticed before, he says that he puts this in "earthly terms"

Now if Jesus put it in earthly terms, then there must be more to it, so the Spirit began to work and some cool stuff came out it went some thing like this...

As I was talking, I realized that when we are born again, we are just like a baby: helpless, crying, needy, eating baby food, etc.

I got a strange image though. What if a baby always wanted to be a baby? What if it said, " I'm just going to stay helpless, why would I grow up? Here I get everything brought to me, I get my diaper changed, I get carried around, why would I want to get up out of this crib, try walking, exploring, etc.??"

I asked the attendees, what would you say to such a strange baby? How would you explain that there are so many amazing things to experience out there through growth?

The baby responds, "But what if I get hurt? Won't it just be safer to stay up in this crib? Can't I experience things from someone holding me and carrying me around?"

It's funny, because I would wager that not one person would deny that a baby experience infinitely more pain but getting up, crawling around, walking, running, and generally experiencing life. But at the same time, not one person would say, "your right, its safer to just stay a helpless baby."

I think we're seeing the point.

We do this in our Christian walks. We want to stay in the stage where God carries us around and shows us stuff. We want to eat baby food, have everything brought to us, and be consoled when we are lonely. But any good father would encourage a baby to get up and explore and experience life. And what kind of relationship does a baby have with his father? Not much. But a toddler has a better one, and a teen (if he's not nuts) will have an even better one.

So what I'm saying is, don't be afraid! Get out of your crib! If you stay their, your missing out in the same way a baby is that never wants to get out of her crib. Hope that all made sense. Peace.

Tawmis.

So Much...

As in, there is so much I learned this summer, I'm reluctant to even write anything! But I'll start with this...

So a few years ago I had a good friendship with a girl that I was strongly attracted to. I eventually told her of my feelings and found, to my dissapointment, that they were not reciprocated. I then went through a very painful process of continuing to spend time with her. I told myself that if I ever again was in a situation where I had feelings for a girl, and she didn't, that I would simply discontinue the relationship.

Fast forward to this summer, and we have the same story all over again. Though as I listened to God, I felt very strongly that I needed to continue this new relationship, despite the pain that could, and that already has resulted from it. I didn't know why. At first I thought that it was simply because discontinuing the relationship would just be selfish, as it would be simply to save my own feelings. Then God revealed to me a better reason: to learn about His character.

I have never understood this about God before as well as I do now.

God is untouchable. Invincible. Unvulnerable.

But here is the thing. He makes Himself vulnerable. Think about it. When God loves us, he takes a risk. Even worse, He knows the result in many cases. He knows that He will sometimes offer his heart, only to have it ripped in two by us. Have you ever loved somebody who doesn't love you back? Then you have a vague understanding of God's feelings. It hurts alot.

If you could choose to not love somebody, who you knew would hurt you, would you love them anyway? Not likely. but God does. I cannot overemphasize this.

As Christians we talk alot about God giving up His son and the love that shows, and I don't mean to devalue that. But we close our eyes to the fact that God suffers everyday from our rejection. But there is an amazing side to this to...

It brings God so much joy when we return His love. Imagine that person that you loved, who never loved you, one day coming up to you and hugging you and saying, "I'm sorry, I really do love you." Would it not bring tears to your eyes?

I believe those tears are in the eyes of God as well. And for some reason, it makes all the hurt worth it for Him.